I find that people call stroke survivors stroke “victims” – and that is a wrong way to think and talk about someone who has survived such a devastating occurrence.

S.S.

This is not a phrase, but I am bothered by the way people who know my husband has Alzheimer's disease talk to me and ask me questions that my husband can answer. It reflects their lack of knowledge of the disease, and their willingness to write off anyone who has the diagnosis without exploring how limited a person with Alzheimer's may be. I watch this all the time and it really bugs me. My husband notices it and says he feels like he's not even there in a conversation. I try hard not to interrupt him or answer for him. It takes a while but he can get things out that he wants to say. We just need to be patient. I try to educate all his doctors that spending a little time letting him get words out will get them the answers they need to help him with his medical care. As with many other things in life, we just need to slow down! Thanks for letting me vent!

J.H.

Wheelchair bound, He's (she's) a medi-lift. diabetic, paraplegic, (we are people who happen to have diabetes)
tube feeder
feeder room (a room in nursing home where residents are fed by staff)
She's a 2 person transfer (takes 2 people to get her from the chair to the bed)

As a nursing home social worker I am always Kvetching about phrases used by other health care providers. Thanks for the article.

C.A. LISW

It might just be that I've been having a string of sleep impaired days going back a few weeks now from a lingering bronchitis.
However, the bit about "parenting your parents" seems to me to be a pretty close to perfect description on the process.
The main difference I find is that diapering a baby requires a lot less physical strength that diapering a 150 lb elderly person.

Also I am sure I am not alone in taking care of a father who was psychologically abusive the entire time he was parenting me and my siblings.

Later in life I came close to physically throwing him out of his own house for the way he treated my mother. I brought my concerns to their Rabbi and to their doctor. The MD ignored me telling me he couldn't discuss them with me by law, and Rabbi assured me that my Mom had told him it was not true (meaning it was easier for him to accept her denial than to help her feel safe in expressing the same things she expressed to me and I saw myself).

Dad meant well and certainly was always a good provider but he was and is often totally inconsiderate of the feelings of people around him.

Bottom line is at times my "bothersome phrase" is "loved one". It makes big assumptions about family relationships that don't necessarily reflect the on the ground realities.

H.S.

I'm pretty sure this isn't what you were after, but my mom just blew up at me and I'm kvetching a little...

"How can you treat me like this when I'm DYING!" (About to throw a bottle of kefir at me.)

"Get out of my life!"

"You do nothing but take advantage of my failing memory."

"Get out and don't come back!"

"Why are we paying [our caregiver] so much money?"

And this is after six months of rebuilding our relationship to the point that we were getting along and expressing genuine appreciation and love for each other. Another reminder not to get too complacent...it can all blow up in my face at any moment...and it does!

Thanks for your good work, Gary.

B.L.

He or she, when Fred or Ethel are in the room.
Having my daughter told she is lucky to have such a wonderful mom for the thousandth time when I am lucky to have her (she is disabled)
Referring to people as “handicaps” like they are the disability they live with. My daughter has handicaps, she is not one herself.
“It is godswill.” Typed like that because it think it is swill.
It makes me crazy when people come and lay hands on someone as if they have a right/obligation to intervene with their almighty on another’s behalf.
Pitiful looks are unhelpful. Laughs, smiles, winks do help.
Didn’t realize I had this much to say about the subject, but I need to run. Looking for a live-in for my daughter

D.R.