My mother feels safer when all the shades are down. I accidently discovered that when I brought one of my large tropical plants to her house to place in a south window and asked her to let the sun in to allow the plant to continue growing - she agreed. I care for the plant, but she has adopted it and likes to point out each new leaf`! That shade stays up which helps with her day-night orientation as well as giving her a new interest.

c.w.

I tell mom that I will call her parents (deceased for many years) and let them know where she is and that she missed them. 

K.P.

Distraction! Talk about the something else they don't want to do later, while gently prodding them to do what they should be doing now. (Talk about changing clothes while getting them to eat.)

White lies. It works on the kids, it works on Mom. When you finally get her into her nightgown and in bed, and she wants to know what you are doing with the clothes she just took off, tell her you are going to hang them up so they will look nice for tomorrow. Then put them in the laundry and hang up the clothes you want her to wear tomorrow. It will be alright. If it doesn't work today, try again tomorrow. Minimize gradually. When no one is home, empty out the closet except for clothes she can wear. Sort through one drawer at a time. Too many choices are traumatic. Make a room safe a little bit at a time. One or two things being different won't be noticed. Changing the whole room at once will.

R.C.

Prior to my father's illness, he had been caretaker for a cemetery from ages 60-85. Symptoms of Parkinson’s disease began to appear when Dad was in his early 80s and he had many falls at the cemetery and at home because of it.  As the related dementia set in, we had difficulty convincing him it was unsafe for him to drive his tractor to the cemetery to work, even after he lost control of it and ran it halfway up a tree.  We finally dumped water in the carburetor.  A family friend who repairs farm equipment took it to his farm "to fix it."  Now, a year and a half after Dad's death, our friend calls the old tractor "Ralphie" and gets it out periodically to run and remember Dad. 

 My caregiving ended in June 2005 but I can't seem to stop this subscription to your newsletter--- I send up prayers for the many people who face mountainous challenges with their family members and wish we had been able to do more for Dad.  I have sent this information on to many friends who are now in the same position. 

K.A.

Pretending to be having a hard of hearing problem when my partner is raving on about what has not been cooked when I’m beat to a frazzle.

 M.V.