The question came in the last half of the morning Q and A session at a recent Fearless Caregiver Conference. The gentleman stood and said that he had been trying to have a conversation with his mother about her long-term care wishes. She always seems responsive, but never seems to have the time to actually sit down to have the conversation.

I told him of my concept of creating a caregiver insurance plan.  We have auto insurance, but do not look forward to having a crash; fire insurance, but do not want to have a fire; and life insurance, but---well, you know.  These policies are secured due to the likelihood of our families facing such an event.   Of course, we all realize that it is better to face such events with the appropriate policies in hand.

My belief is that all adult members of your family need to get together and have a conversation about their wishes in case they can no longer make these decisions for themselves.  The topics include:

Now for the most important part, once the conversation starts, do not make it an inquisition about your senior loved one.  Instead, first share your own situation. In fact, you may say, ”Mom, it is important to me that you know what my wishes would be in case anything happens to me.” After sharing your own story, turn to her and say “Okay now, let’s talk about what you want.” 

With family members coming together for the holidays, there is no better time for such a conversation. And no better gift that you can give your entire family.

Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
Today's Caregiver magazine