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This Week's Carenote - 01/15/11
Wow! I can’t believe
there are people out there
who are going through the
same things I am. I am a
caregiver by profession and
also trying to help my
73-year-old working mother
care for her 80-year-old
husband (my step-father),
who has heart failure and
lung disease. She is
incredible. But I worry so
much about her. His family
does nothing for him, not
even visit. Her whole life
now is caring for him, and
working. I want her to enjoy
her senior years. I know it
sounds selfish, but I love
her so much and I want her
to be happy. She acts like
she is, but I see through
that. I try my best to help
her with him, but
circumstances from long ago
get in the way of my truly
caring for him. My sisters
have made a decision not to
visit my mother’s home, or
bring their children to her
home, because of his past.
He has destroyed our family.
So it’s she and I. I went
through a severe episode of
depression that I am trying
to work through. I plan to
return to work in a week,
but I'm afraid she will need
me more than I can be there
for her. I am open for any
ideas or suggestions, and
feel almost desperate at
this point. I am so glad I
found this newsletter and
all of you. Maybe we can
find some way to make it
better. I have so much love
in my heart and that’s what
helps me get out of bed each
morning; and knowing God
will be there for me.
Reply to Letter | View Comments
| Past Carenotes |
Name: Tom Buske
Location: Ukiak, CA
Date: 03/16/2011
Time: 12:04 PM
CommentsDear Friend,
I suggest you contact the Area Agency on Aging for your location. Ask them for resources to help. No matter where you live their is an AAA. Blessings, Tom
Name: Chris Gutierrez
Location: Pasadena, CA
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 11:10 AM
CommentsThere are some GREAT companies out there that provide care in the home. If she would allow someone in the home (even if only for an hour or so per day), this may give her a much needed break and give you a little piece of mind. This company can also tell you how SHE is holding up as well so it is like having an extra set of eyes and ears in the home to communicate any issues to you. Good luck!!
Name: Chris Cremean
Location: Toledo, OH
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 06:59 AM
CommentsBuild on the strengths your mother and you have to handle the caregiver responsibilities that have been brought to you. Your faith is a good place to build from. It is a great foundation. I know it is hard to ask for help when you feel it is your role to be the caregiver for your mother and step-dad. Look at it as defining your roles. Think of yourselves as the care "coordinators" and not as having to accomplish the whole thing. If you go to my website, there are pages on all the various areas that you will have to deal with at some time, www.caregiverresourcesnwohio.com
Hope this will help you. Don't hesitate to contact me through the website if necessary. May you find the strength to carry on.
Name: Bob Kemper
Location: Pinecrest, Florida
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 05:36 AM
CommentsYour situation is complicated by the strained family relations, so family can't be relied on for help. Nevertheless, it sounds like mom needs some respite from her care-giving responsibilities. If you can afford it, try to buy her some respite by using a professional caregiver (CNA or HHA) from a reputable agency or registry. Start with 4 hours once or twice a week, at times where she is able to do her own thing (hair, nails, a movie, etc.). She will have something to look forward to, and it might do wonders for her health. If you can't afford to do that, check with your mom's local church to see if they have a program that could help.
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