Last week I wrote about the challenges
of
elder abuse.
This week I wanted to
address the other side of the issue that many of
us can relate to all too well –caregiver abuse.
As it so often happens, an email crossed my
computer which details the subject from one
caregiver’s point of view representing the issue
in no uncertain terms:
Hi Gary,
Thank you for your article on Elder Abuse (Good
Medicine For All). I am my mother’s caregiver
and legal guardian. I basically do mostly
everything for her. Manage medications, bring
her to the doctors, shopping (groceries,
personal items), balance her checkbook and pay
all her bills. I also live with her in her home
and cook/clean for her.
My challenge is
that she has a dependency of narcotic pain meds.
I have had her de-toxed and psych evaluated and
the doctor in the ward explained to me that he
has not ever come across anyone like my mom,
being a 70-year-old woman with chronic pain and
a past history of alcohol and narcotic abuse.
For example (my father used to buy pills for her
off the streets in addition to her normal
regimen of prescribed meds) this went on for
most of my teenage years. I am now 31 and still
dealing with the behavior of a mother with an
addictive personality among other physical
issues (osteoporosis, arthritis, bursitis,
abdominal aneurysm, colitis)....
It makes
it extremely difficult for myself when she
complains of pain and the fact that her
medicines are not helping her. I know that no
one should be in lots of pain and my concern is
that at times I may not be fulfilling her
medical needs when she needs more attention for
pain management.
She just came back from
the ER and the doctor says the medication she
takes is not strong enough to help her pain. So
here I go again with the concern of putting her
back up on higher doses of narcotics and the
behavior issues that come along with the
addictive logic in her brain chemistry.
It is very challenging and frustrating. Last
night she threatened, grabbed and shook me till
I gave her another Vicodin. I then called 911
and had the hospital deal with it.
Sometimes I feel like I can't do the job. I
don't like to see her in pain, I want her to be
safe and I follow what the doctor says for her
safety. Not everyone is always on the same page
and they don't always want to hear everything I
have to say.
My point is that sometimes
I feel that I am the one who is abused.
Do
you have any helpful information regarding this
situation?
Alice, you
came to the right place.
Your suggestions for Alice.
Take care
Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
gary@caregiver.com
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Feature Article |
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Why PERS Makes Sense |
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By Sandra Fuson, Staff Writer |
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Constance reached out for help to a
local community service organization
when she fell from her bed. Weighing
a little over 200 pounds, Constance
was unable to get up on her own and
needed someone to help her get up.
Firemen had been to her home earlier
in the week, and would help her once
again on this particular day. ......Continued
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Additional
Article |
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A Loss Greater Than Death |
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By Annie Burgamy
Pa Pa’s sun-burnt, smiling face
disguises well the loss he is
already experiencing; only his voice
betrays him, “Joan who is playing
today?” Pa Pa asks over and over
again. Mom repeatedly answers in a
voice that becomes noticeably less
patient as her own fears become
secretly more intense....Continued
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Guest Column |
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Caring for Someone with Bipolar
Disorder
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By Julie Totten
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Soon after Missy had her
daughter, she stopped sleeping, going from eight
hours a night down to only two or three. Her
thoughts were racing, and she was going a
million miles an hour. ...Continued
(Do you have a story?
Tell us.)
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Caretips |
Attacking Accidental Overdoses
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By
Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief
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A growing
concern for family caregivers is the possibility of
a loved one’s accidental overdose. This is an issue
I hear about with alarming frequency as we travel
the country on our Fearless Caregiver Conference
tour. If nothing else, the statistics bear out the
potential for danger to our loved ones.
...Continued |
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Carenotes |
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My husband has
had mini stokes and lost his
short-term memory. He also
takes a great
deal of medication that may be
affecting him (the doctor
doesn't think
so). Some of the things he does
irritate me even though I know
he cannot help
what he is/isn't doing. His driving
judgment is poor
and
fortunately,
lets me do most of the driving. I can't get him to read
or do puzzles to
sharpen his mind. He acts helpless most of
the time and I keep feeling he
should be able to do more. His contribution to
household chores is washing
the dishes and occasionally
cooking simple meals. What can I do to get him
more active and improve his
memory?
As much as I love him
(married 22 years), I find it
difficult at times to control my
anger. I lose my temper, but
walk away, bite my tongue and cool down
after a while. But he knows I'm angry and
that depresses him more.
I have a few
local friends, but it is difficult
for them to really understand the
situation. I do activities (knitting,
gardening) to keep me occupied. It's my increasing short
temper that bothers me.
Any suggestions?
Answer This Week's CareNote
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