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Heroes Abound
Please indulge me for a
moment as I put on my
curmudgeon’s hat once again. This is
a message to those who have begun writing about family
caregivers. Bless you for the light you are helping to shine
on a much needed population; the more ink spread in the
service of family caregivers, the better. I have just one
favor to ask, and that is to stop simply referring to
caregivers as heroes and saints in your articles. Certainly
you are correct that all family caregivers are undeniable
heroes and earthly saints, but that is only half of the
story and to stop there does each and every caregiver a
great disservice.
On a recent poll at the
strengthforcaring website, almost a third of caregivers
responded to the question “Why are you a caregiver?” in the
following manner: “If I don’t do it, who will?” At the
same time, one of the greatest complaints I hear from
caregivers at the
Fearless Caregiver Conferences and in our
discussion group
(where I am an unabashed lurker), is the challenge of
getting family members to help as we care for our loved
ones. One of the themes that come through loud and clear is
that our family members don’t know (certainly some don’t
want to know) what is involved in our lives to the point
that they think we can easily handle it all ourselves.
“Don’t worry about mom,
Joanie can handle it, she’s a real hero.” After all, would
you think of going off to fight arch villains with Spiderman
as he swings across the sky to battle the Goblin or Superman
as he leaps tall buildings to fend off Lex Luthor. I
actually like to think of us as loving managers of all
services for our loved ones, a manager who needs (and
deserves) as much support from friends and family members as
possible.
Are caregivers heroes and saints? You
bet. Of the epic kind, but let’s tell the world the
whole story, of what it takes for us to get through the
entire day, day after day, so those much deserved
labels don’t get in the way of our friends and family
members helping us care for our loved ones. That way,
they can become heroes and saints, too.
Take care
Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
gary@caregiver.com
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Feature
Article |
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Disaster Preparedness for Elder Loved Ones
By Dana Carr
It’s no secret that a large percentage of deaths in Katrina-ravaged
New Orleans were our sick and our elderly.....Continued |
Additional Articles:
A Caregiver’s Memories: How to Deal with Moving On
By Patricia St.Clair
It was during that period of time after the
hungry feasters snaked through the line of platters, bowls and
trays of assorted delights
...Continued
Answering the Difficult Questions About Aging
By Gary Beagle
I recently had to
assist my 78 and 82 year old aunt and uncle, respectively, who
were dealing with some pretty typical issues
...Continued
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Guest Column |
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Long Distance Caregiving - Challenges
and Solutions
By: Helen Hunter, ACSW, CMSW
Families who struggle to care for a
parent across the miles have a unique disadvantage. They cannot
be there to know what is really happening ....Continued |
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Caretips |
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Twenty Ways To Care for Caregivers
by: Caregiver.com
Twenty of the best tips and ideas collected from Caregivers and care
managers of the Medicare Alzheimer's Project in Broward and Dade Counties,
Florida. ..Continued
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F r o m O u r R e a d e r s |
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Carenotes |
I would like to know some
practical suggestions for how to
go about stopping my husband
from driving. I am having a very
difficult time with this. My
husband has Alzheimer's. He had
two avoidable accidents two
years ago. No one except the
cars were hurt. I no longer will
allow him to drive me any place
and always drive him to his
doctor's appointments. But he
goes off, by himself, to the
drugstore, the chinese laundry,
the cleaners, etc.. A
Neurologist told him why he
shouldn't drive and he then
refused to go back to that
doctor and we've been going to
another Neurologist who never
mentioned driving to him!
We live in the suburbs (L.I.,
Nassau County) and there is NO
public transportation where we
are. Walking any place is almost
impossible: no sidewalks and we
are a distance from the nearest
town (5 minutes by car). Ideas
that won't work: (1) hide the
car keys: he has duplicates kept
in different parts of the house.
I doubt that I could find them
all. He also has 3 cars to
choose from! (2) have a mechanic
disable the cars. He would call
AAA to fix whatever the mechanic
did. (3) Have the MVB retest him
and take his license away: I
think he would continue to drive
license or no (4) Sell the cars:
The Titles to these cars are all
in his name and we would need
his signature: not about to
happen.
We haven't been able to get him
to sign a Power of Attorney
which would help take care of
selling the cars. I hired a
driver as a birthday present
(July 31); he was furious.
Wouldn't go anywhere with the
driver; he wanted me to send the
driver home! We plan to have the
driver drive me places and do
other things around the house in
the hope that when her presence
becomes familiar to him he will
be more accepting of having
someone else drive him wherever.
This has to be a common problem;
how have others solved it?
E P
Answer This Week's CareNote:
carenotes/2006/index.htm
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