Angels, Above and Around

Thanks to everyone who responded to my column last week about the anniversary of my dad’s passing.  I am touched by all of the kind messages and even more impressed by my fellow family caregivers.  I received messages from people who have lost loved ones from one week to fifty-three years ago.  One theme that runs throughout all of the messages is the strength of feelings that the writers still have for their loved ones.  I received messages from some truly fearless caregivers who tell of how they developed partnerships with the professionals who care for their loved ones.

A few days after last week’s newsletter was sent, I found myself reflecting upon the nature of loss with some new friends in a truly unique setting.  I was in San Francisco for the day to speak to a professional group and after the session, a small band of adventurous attendees somehow talked me into taking a little walk – across the Golden Gate Bridge.  The day was clear, cold and the sky was cobalt blue. As we started walking across the bridge (which I do not recommend doing in dress shoes), the United States Navy’s Blue Angels were performing aerobatic exercises over the bridge. They were flying so low over our heads as we walked, I felt that I could almost reach out and touch the jets’ fuselages.   I spent some time on that walk, talking with one of my comrades whose dad had recently passed away about how long the grief of loss is meant to take. 

One of the things I realized through all of the messages sent last week, was that our loved ones never really do leave us once they pass and that there is no “correct” amount of time to process the grief, as long as you do start the grieving process. My friend, who lost her parents fifty-three years ago, still feels their presence and I feel warm and comforted knowing that my dad is always by my side, which was certainly the only thing keeping me warm that chilly day on the bridge.    

Join us next week in Louisville for our Fearless Caregiver Conference.

Take care
Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
gary@caregiver.com

2006 Caregiver Friendly Award Nomination

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Carenotes
My husband has had Alzheimer's for about four years. My worst problem as a caregiver is incontinence. I have to clean him up about four times a day. But I know that I will just have to deal with that. However, I am completely frustrated because whenever we come back home after going out in the car, he will not get out. If I try to help him out he says that I am trying to break his legs. Sometimes he will get out on his own after varying lengths of time. I have had to call family members to get him out and last week after he had been sitting in the car for four hours in a hot garage, I called the police who were able to persuade him to come inside. His mother also had Alzheimer's and she did the same thing, but I have never heard of another case of this. Does anyone else have a solution to this problem? P   Answer This Week's CareNote: carenotes/2005/index.htm
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