Depression seems to be part and parcel
of becoming a caregiver to a loved one. Depression is, in reality, anger
turned inward. This is not always obvious, nor is it easily admitted to
– There are so many areas we experience anger along the way – As we
watch our loved one struggle to do simple tasks, watch them decline in
mind and body, watch them lose their independence and eventually their
lives in the process….
We, as caregivers, also experience
simultaneously many losses of our own. We realize we are totally
helpless in the face of encroaching illness and intense suffering – We
cannot wave a magic wand and give our loved ones back their sense of
control, nor can we retain the delusion that we have much control
ourselves. We are merely outstretched hands to help our loved one to
live as comfortably as possible in the days remaining to them.
Often, depression stems from extended
stress, or is situational in origin. This is due to the tremendous
responsibilities that fall to us as the caregiver, to give 100% and go
beyond that many times over, doing whatever is necessary to insure
quality care for our loved one. There is also clinical depression, of
which I personally suffer, which is biochemical and inborn to the
person, which adds to the overload and wreaks great havoc in its wake.
Some days I found it hard to keep going on, keep doing, keep giving –
However, it was during those times that I realized that it was my
efforts that enhanced the quality of my mother’s remaining days. Without
my help, her suffering would have been intolerable. So, while I was
unable to escape my depression, I was still quite aware that my
contribution made a difference to another person’s quality of life – and
this knowledge outweighed the influence of chronic depression. The love
I carried for my mother enabled me to rise above my own disabling
depression and to do that which assisted her in living out her final
days with as much peace as possible.
As a believer in a power greater than
myself, I gained strength to do what was necessary at the time – Having
faith does not preclude experiencing depression – We are human beings
and react to rapidly changing situations and traumatic events. All I
know for sure is that my mother’s final days were richer for having me
as her caregiver, and I will never regret what was required of me. This
was my gift to her for giving me my own life. While depression may be my
lifetime companion, it has not succeeded in overcoming the love I carry
in my heart for my mother. Becoming a caregiver requires a commitment in
your heart, to essentially ‘bear another’s burden’. I am grateful for
every single day that I made the choice to do this. I know, without any
doubt, that my life made a positive difference and this knowledge makes
it all worthwhile.....
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