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By Kristine Dwyer, LSW
In the 1960s, TV celebrity Ed
Sullivan featured a Chinese talent artist who
demonstrated the careful balance and timing of spinning
porcelain plates atop thin, wooden sticks. The key was
to start spinning a stack of plates one at a time and
then dash from plate to plate keeping each one in motion
to prevent them from crashing to the floor. Viewers
watched in amazement as plates slowed their pace and
began to wobble precariously, yet miraculously the man
was able to reach each plate at the last second just
before it tipped. The artist then ended the performance
by quickly gathering up each teetering plate into a neat
pile without a single disaster.
Caregiving today
can often be compared to this entertaining yet realistic
experience. Balancing the multiple roles and
responsibilities of our lives is a constant challenge.
Each plate may represent a different part of our lives
as we work tirelessly to maintain motion and balance.
They can symbolize personal needs, marriage, family,
career, friendships, health issues, finances, social and
physical activities. These are the “plates” of everyday
life that one can expect to spin. Then when one becomes
a caregiver, several more plates are added such as
personal and medical care, transportation, supervision
of safety needs, emotional support, companionship,
financial oversight and decision-making for the well
being of a loved one. Add in the weight of a few
unexpected events such as sudden illness, job loss, or a
divorce and it can be very difficult to keep all of the
plates spinning in unison without a calamity.
Although we want
to avoid losing our momentum, a sudden crash of a plate
or an unexpected personal emergency can be a time of
awakening. It can also be a call to reprioritize as we
evaluate the results of a fallen plate. One may ask,
“Should I keep spinning these plates alone or ask for
help?” “Should I remove a plate before it falls, or
perhaps set one or two aside to focus on fewer plates
for awhile?” Keeping an eye on our spinning plates is
important to assess our capabilities and the challenges
we are facing. If we live in a continuous scramble
between the plates, we may lose our focus on what is
truly important and jeopardize our own health and
safety, not to mention the well being of those we care
about.
Caregiving for a loved one may last for months or many
years. In addition, the number of plates may change or
be replaced as life unfolds and we strive for a healthy
balance. Whether you decide to keep all of the plates
spinning at once or set a few aside, caregiving support
can be received in many ways: attend a support group or
personal counseling sessions to gain a perspective of
the caregiving situation, build a support network to
include family, friends, medical personnel, clergy and a
social worker/care manager, accept assistance with
personal care needs from family members and friends to
lighten the load, hire private help even a few hours a
week for household and chore services, accept respite
care opportunities to allow a break from caregiving and
find ways to renew one’s own body, mind and spirit.
We may not all
be as talented as the Chinese balance artist, but we can
use our own inner resources and the help from others to
attain steadiness in our lives. Providing care to
someone in need may be one of the most important roles
one will ever fill in a lifetime, yet it does not have
to be done alone. The first step is to recognize that we
are spinning too many plates or that the plates are
teetering out of control. The second step is to ask for
help. This is a sign of strength, not weakness, and is
the surest way to keep all of the facets of our lives in
careful balance.
Kristine
Dwyer is a Caregiver Consultant and Licensed Social
Worker with Carlton County Public Health and Human
Services in Cloquet, Minnesota. She is also a past and
current caregiver for family members.
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